Thursday, July 19, 2012

Chemo- Round 1 goes to Me!

So you hear the word chemo and you cringe.  I always go back to the scene in the movie, Stepmom, with Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon, where the mom (Susan Sarandon) is carrying the laundry basket and has to drop it to run and puke.  Then she has to call and have the "step-mom" (Julia Roberts) to pick up her kids.  Then out of frustration she throws the phone and then the laundry.  It is literally poison running through your body attempting to kill everything it possibly can.

So the day we anticipated for months comes.....Kevin and I are driving to the clinic and this song makes us both burst into tears.  The lyric, "Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"  I am redeemed, You set me free!" just rang so true for me. 

I had to remind myself to stop preparing for a fight.  It's funny to me that chemo schedules are referred to as rounds.  You say "round one" think boxing, fighting, gloves, big sweaty men.....eww kinda gross lol.  Or I get these pictures in my head that are specific to breast cancer that say "Fight like a girl" with the pink boxing gloves (not so gross).  There is a fight going on, but it's not what we think......this is what my Life Manual says:

So there are battles going on but if we can just remember that Jesus ALREADY WON!  I mean seriously how amazing is that.

Ok more about that in a minute with my ADD self.  We made it to the clinic, joined together in prayer, and headed on in.  So on July 2, 2012 I was administered round one of TAC (which stands for the 3 drugs that I am given: taxotere, adriamycin and cyclophosphamide).  It was nice and peaceful and quiet in the infusion all the old people around me were napping lol.

And they give you warm blankets.....ohhhh how I love a toasty blanket!  So I just relaxed and listened to some praise music and caught up on some tv.....the internet is a wonderful thing when used to defeat boredom!  I even got a foot rub out of the whole deal.....notice the look on Kevin's face! hehe!

He's so funny, and I just love his heart!  The nurse came over as we were finishing up and told me that I would be very nauseated and would have some vomiting going on the next couple of days, so to make sure and take the anti-nausea medicine they gave me.  And my precious husband looked her square in the face and said, "Nope she won't won't have that, in Jesus name!"  The nurse looked a little confused and said, "Um ok well if she does...."  Kevin again interjected, "She won't!"  The nurse looked at me, and I smiled politely at her. "Ok, well you are ready to go." she said in defeat I guess.  1 Cor. 1:18 says, "The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God."  And that has never been more evident to me!  We went and ate a huge lunch at P.F. Changs (oh so yummy) and I went home and now over 2 weeks later, I have not vomited one time!  I haven't even felt like throwing up! Praise Jesus!  See that's what God does! 

Now I'm not going to pretend like it has been all bunny rabbits and sunshine....not sure why I say bunny rabbits b/c we've had them before and while they are super sweet and cute they are really messy and poop A LOT, but you get where I am going.  I have been tired and achy which = grumpy for me.  I had a fever one week after my treatment and ended up back at the doctor.  But again my husband kept telling me I was healed.  And I'm not going to lie.....I felt like throwing something really hard at him!  But that's why God put us together, because when my faith is weak his is strong and vice versa!  I went in expecting my white blood cell count to be super low and end up in the hospital, but the nurse came back in and was confused since my counts were still in the normal range, which is not at all "normal" for a chemo patient.  She chalked it up to me being so young, but I know that is my God!  I love being the patient that confuses medical professionals.  Modern day miracles are still going on all around us and our heads try to explain them away, but God is they only explanation!  Come on people open your eyes and hearts and stop trying to reason God's miracles away! 

Around the end of week 2 my hair started to fall out......first just a little, which honestly made my hair more manageable since I have so much of it.  I had already decided that I wanted to shave it when it started getting out of control.  This to me was not at all an emotional thing.  I am not defined by what I look like, whether or not I have breasts or hair, or legs or arms, or anything else for that matter.  I know who I am in Christ.

And secretly I am one of those weird girls who looked at Demi Moore and Natalie Portman and said, "Man I wish I could do that!"  So once the shedding began I was ready!

So off came the ponytail!

And Here was the final result and I love it!

And with that I challenged my brother with the task of coming up with the best bald jokes he had and here is what I got:

Here you go Nicole Jasien. I love you.


#10: Blond jokes no longer apply to you.
#9: Increased aerodynamics. (important for runners, sky divers, swimmers human projectiles)
#8: You can finally drive your convertible to work. (no more 'wind-tunnel' hair-dos)
#7: You've got a blank canvas for new tattoos.
#6: You're now ready to audition for the Blue Man Group.
#5: Time to get a new driver's license...Hair Color: Invisible. (see how that one goes over with the cop the next time you're pulled over)
#4: Think of the money you'll more barber/hairdresser, shampoo, hairspray, dandruff medication, hair dye, etc.
#3: Everyone knows that bald people make better lovers. (and if they don't, perhaps it's time that you showed them)
(That one was for Big Kev)
#2: It distracts attention from your face. (alright, that was completely uncalled for and I'm sorry)

And the #1 reason that chemo-induced baldness is awesome-

BALD=SEXY (just look at Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel, Natalie Portman and Britney Spears...ok, she's hot in a bald and crazy kind of way)


  1. Oh Nicole, your so beautiful and inspiring. I am glad your making a blog so we can follow and support your fight against cancer. I totally think you rock the bald head and the 10 reasons to be bald are HILARIOUS, hair really is overrated and I only wish I was as gorgeous as you so I could be bald too. You got this beat girl and I am right behind supporting you. Hugs!

  2. What a lovely post, thank you so so much for the inspiration! This really made me smile and helps me a lot with what my boyfriend and I are currently going through. I love what you said about God already having won the fight, how wonderful and how true! And sadly, how often we lose sight of this. God will indeed keep you strong on the path ahead - He is the great Comforter, Healer, Father and Friend! Look forward to reading more of your posts :) Good luck! P.s You look lovely bald ;)