We're more than Pink!

I was on the local news today!  It was pretty cool experience to help spread awareness about what breast cancer is really about.  I'm part of a group on facebook for cancer patients and survivors and we decided we had had enough and a bunch of us decided to send real pictures of us during treatment and this is what all of that turned into.

This is a video put together by a group of cancer survivors (including me) who want people to know what cancer really looks like ..... More than a pink ribbon. I'm not going to lie.... There are some medically graphic pictures in here so if that bothers you please don't watch. If you want to know what cancer really looks like here it is in all its pain and scars and bald heads and smiles and victories! #realcancerawareness

Check out the facebook page www.facebook.com/realcancerawareness

It's pretty powerful huh?  I'm honored to be part of it!  Here is the link to the news article and video

http://dfw.cbslocal.com/2013/10/16/group-breast-cancer-awareness-is-more-than-pink-ribbons/

NORTH TEXAS (CBSDFW.COM) – This month many people are thinking ‘pink’ for breast cancer awareness, but for survivors, the fight is anything but pretty.  Now local survivors have taken to the internet to paint another picture of breast cancer.

Breast cancer is a life-changing disease that can leave your body scarred forever. That’s why one group of women wants you to look past the pink and at the real images.

If you were to look at Kim Whitworth and Nicole Jasien you’d never think they have a problem with the color that sits smack in between red and white…. and they don’t. “I just love pink,” Kim said happily.

But these survivors of Stage 3 breast cancer want to make sure the public sees beyond the color.

Nicole explains that she “…had a double mastectomy right away and then I completed six rounds of chemo and did radiation as well.” Part of Kim’s journey will soon come to an end.  ”I’m still going through treatment,” she said. “Last one is Tuesday next week.”

The women want everyone to know what the killer disease really looks like. “It’s not just about a pink ribbon. It’s not what everyone makes it out to be,” Kim said flatly.

The North Texas ladies and others like them say they’re tired, of what’s becoming known as ‘pink wash – or the plethora of pink products and signage that pop up, every October.

Even the chief mission officer with Susan G. Komen for the Cure acknowledges the campaign isn’t for everyone. “Not everybody wants to celebrate with a color or public demonstration, and that’s okay,” she said.

For Kim, Nicole and some of their friends who are survivors, the boiling point was a picture, making the rounds on Facebook. It declared October 13, No Bra Day, as a way to support breast cancer.

Nicole said, “It just almost sexualized a disease that’s just physically devastating. People started commenting. ‘Maybe we should go topless, and then people would really see what cancer is like.’”

“We’re more than boobs,” Kim declared. “We are.”

Now Kim, Nicole and a group of about 200 survivors are trying to increase knowledge about what they call “real cancer awareness.” They’re doing it with a YouTube video that shows that scars, pain and fight of breast cancer.

Once upon a time there was a lump.......

So I've had a few people ask how this all started for me.... How did you know? Did you find a lump? What did it feel like? So I figured instead of telling the story over and over again I would just blog about it.....duh.

One day in early March I got out of the shower like every other day ready to take on the world, and I went through my normal routine, which includes slathering my body in as much lotion as possible ( I was blessed with dry skin).  I just happened to take my hands and wipe from under my arms across both breasts horizontally.  "Wait a minute, what was that?" I thought.  And brought my hand back over my right breast and pressed down from the front.....and nothing.  So I went at it the same way as before and there is was again.  It felt hard.....hard as a rock.  It was very close to my chest wall.  Words like Lumpectomy, BRAC testing, Mastectomy, CANCER......started flooding my mind.  I was familiar with all these as my Mom was just finishing up her reconstruction (she took her time).  She was diagnosed in April of 2010.  I shook all of that information right out of my head as fast as I could.  There's no way that's right......I mean come on.....I'm 28 years old for pete's sake(whoever Pete is......I've always wondered that...sorry ADD moment).  Then I remembered my mom saying things like she had really dense breasts.  That had to be what it was.  I called my husband in just to make sure he felt the same thing.......I put his hand on the right spot and he yanked his hand back like something bit him (he has a bit of a flare for the dramatic, but don't tell him I said that ;).  His response was, "Whoa that's so weird.  What do you think it is?"  I could see the worry all over his face.  I told him I wasn't sure, but I should probably go have it looked at.

In a perfect world I would have been in the doctor's office the next day, but when I took a new job in November of 2011, the company had decided to not offer health benefits (I'm a commissioned employee), but I took the job because I was paying so much money in gas driving to Dallas before that driving to this job would save me enough money to buy an individual policy.  Which yes the thought process made sense, but one of my weaknesses is that I'm more of a thinker than a doer.  But God was working and a new manager had started in February.  She demanded that our owners offer heath insurance and low and behold they agreed!  But the insurance wasn't supposed to be effective until April 1, 2012.  So we decided the best plan of action was to wait, just in case, on the off chance, it was something big.  At the end of March m manager told me that the insurance wouldn't be effective until May 1, 2012.  I don't really remember the reason why, but it didn't really matter.  God used that time to strengthen me to handle what was coming.

I remember on Easter Sunday we were at my Aunt's house.  All of a sudden I had a pain in the breast with the lump.  It was a dull ache.....like the kind I used to get when I was in those lovely adolescent years when things were "blooming." I remember mentioning it to my Aunt and she said something to the effect of, "It's usually never as bad as we are thinking it is."  I knew she was referring to cancer for some reason.....maybe she wasn't I don't really know, but that's what I was thinking.  I remember thinking, "Yeah I'm thinking I'm not going to mention this lump."  I didn't want to worry anyone when it was probably just something silly.

So May 1st rolls around and I was in my doctor's office on May 2nd just to have her take a feel...so to speak.  Her face said it all.  I love my doctor.....she is seriously one of the sweetest women I have ever met. She said exactly what I thought she would say, "Let's not worry until there's something to worry about."  But she sent me off to get a diagnostic mammogram and sonogram, "just in case."  But I knew she was worried.

It was a full week before they could get me into the radiologist office.  It was a long week.  During that week I found a 2nd lump in the same breast.  My doctor did a thorough exam and didn't feel it just days ago.  My husband was out of town when I went.  I knew they weren't going to do a biopsy right then ( since I'd walked this road before with my mom) so I told him he was fine.  I remember going in there and the ladies being so nice and commenting on how young I was (which is now a constant comment I get all the time) and how they get young girls in here all the time and it's just a fibroid and nothing to worry about.  But the mammogram tech's face changed as she started to look at the scans.  I heard God telling me,"I've prepared you for this.  Remember you are not what's on that scan, you are Mine."  She was quiet and led me over to the sonogram room where the tech was also very chatty and sweet, until she started taking pictures.....then it got very quiet.    I remember thinking, "Yeah that's not good."  Again God reminded me that I was ready for this.  She told me to hold on a second and brought the Radiologist in, who was finally straight with me, which I really appreciated.  She told me with me being so young and there being a history of breast cancer she wanted to get me into the Fort Worth office for a biopsy the very next morning. My thought was, "Yeah that's really not good, but I know I'm prepared for this God."  I turned to her and point blank asked her, "Do you think this is cancer?"  Her response was, "To be brutally honest with you, I'd be shocked if it was not cancer."  I told her if it was I just wanted to do the double mastectomy and be done with it.  (I watched my mom go through 2 lumpectomies before she just had the mastectomy done.  I didn't want to go through that. The radiologist told me with that attitude I would be just fine.  I went out to the car and tried to call my husband.  He was on a plane and didn't pick up.  I left a message and sat there not really sure who to call next.  No tears were shed and I didn't feel upset.  God was right.....I was prepared for this.  He made me to overcome.  My sweet husband was not prepared.  He was very quiet when I told him what she had said and had to sit on a plane and think about it, as he called me back from his layover.  

We went in for the biopsy which ended up taking less time that I thought it would, but was very painful.  The radiologist sat down with us and repeated everything she had told me to my husband and his tears begin to flow which of course made me a little teary eyed.  I think the only other times I'd ever seen him so frantic was when something that would require an ER visit would happen to the kids.  But this was a different kind a frantic.  After we left he backed my car into a telephone pole. After I checked to make sure there was no damage it was pretty funny.  We had to wait over the weekend for the results.  We did a lot of praying that weekend.  And God answered those prayers..... just not in the way we wanted Him to...... and the rest is an unfolding story....

You are never too young to start giving yourself breast exams.  I should have been.  Now reading this......you should be too!

Surgery and stuff!

So my surgery was preformed on 5/30/12.  I had to fast which sucked.....and get up early and I am not a morning person lol.

I was very hungry and very sleepy! :)

They ask me my name and dob 20 million times......I almost forgot it I repeated it so many times lol

Before surgery it took 3 nurses to get an IV in me and I thought I was going to puke!  Something about needles rolling around in my skin makes my stomach queasy.  They gave me the good stuff and I was out like a light.  In fact I really don't remember much of the hospital at all, complements of morphine.  But I know my precious husband was there with me most of the time!

 My brother was quite entertained with me!

My kids not so much lol!

They were more entertained with the TV which I don't even remember!

Doctors said surgery was a success and our main prayer was little pain and a supernatural recovery which is exactly what I've had.  I've been uncomfortable, but no major major pain and I was up and around a few days after being home.  My drains came out 7 days after surgery and I am running at almost 100% 2 and a half weeks later.  They did a lymph node biopsy while I was in surgery which came back positive for cancer.  So they decided to take 13 more lymph nodes.  10 out of those came back positive for cancer. 

This puts me at a stage 3C.  Which is a hair away from stage 4 cancer.  And for those of you who do not know there is no stage 5......stage 4 is the end of the road for most people.  My oncologist was shocked that my scans came out clean. (see my last post here)  The power of prayer is amazing.  God is so good.  Even with this hiccup in our lives, our home is filled with peace that surpasses all understanding.  People always ask me how the kids are doing.....it's kind of a funny question to me.  Nothing in my home has changed.....except everyone has to be gentle with mommy's owies.  Other than that my kids lives have not changed.  The word cancer isn't scary to them.  You know why?  Because it's not scary to mommy and daddy.  There is one thing I have learned in all that Kevin and I have been through and it's if the parents are ok, the kids are ok.  Think about that.....We are Children of God.  Is He ever not ok?  Is there ever a point where He is not in control?  Then why is it that so many times we are not ok?  Why do we question His intentions and worry like He doesn't have our backs?  He is my Abba Father.  Why would He not take care of His precious child, just like I take care of mine.

So the plan is VACATION comes next week and then Chemo starts on July 2nd.  We know that I am healed.  Chemo is just a tool in that healing.  I will do chemo once every 3 weeks for 4 and a half months.  There is nothing in the natural that will tell me that I am healed, except for time.  So I hold fast to my confession of God's healing in my body.  Isaiah 53:5 "We are healed by the punishment (propitiation) He suffered, made whole by the blow He received!"  Christ already won this battle for me at the cross.  So really I don't have to fight!  I wear a bracelet that says "fight like a girl" but really the only fight I am fighting is the good fight of faith.  And praise God I am surrounded by awesome men and women of faith!  

Grey's Anatomy and the plan

So we get to the surgeon's office and it's pretty late in the day and the office is fairly empty. My precious husband came with me.  He has been so awesome through this....He's a big baby when it comes to people he loves so he has shed quite a few tears, but as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17) my faith has strengthened his.  We waited for a while in the waiting room.  A woman came out in tears, which made me sad.  But in we went and I again got to put on those hot, open to the front scrub looking things.  Someone should really rethink the design on those, but I guess they're more for purpose than fashion lol.

See what I mean!  Then the nurse put up the films....all I could think was I don't see anything....kinda like when you went for your fisrt sonogram for your first baby and the doctor is like, "See this here, that's your baby"  And you say, "Awwww"  But really you're thinking, "I don't see anything....maybe I'm not qualified for this mother thing" (flashback to the friends episode.....you know which one I am talking about) 

The surgeon came in and cleared it all up for me.  Appearently all the dense white areas are no bueno.  So in true surgeon style she explained things really fast and then said ok get dressed and we can talk and then walked out.  Kevin and I looked at each other kinda confused.  I got dressed and we poked our heads out the door....the nurse smiled and said "Just follow her".   She went over the pathology report and proceeded into explaining why a lumpectomy was not an option here.  I stopped her and proceeded to tell her what my plan was.  I watched my mom go through 2 lumpectomies before they decided to do a mastectomy.  So I had already made the decision that I just wanted to do the bi lateral masterctomy and be done with it.  Fortunantly for me, my surgeon thought that was the best plan as well.  I could just tell by her demeanor and personality that she is really good at what she does.  I couldn't help but think of my favorite TV show.....greys anatomy.  My husband proceeded to remind my favorite surgeons aren't real surgeons...lol.  So we have a plan now!

Friday May 25th - I will go in for a PET scan to make sure that cancer has not metastasised (or spread) to other parts of my body.

Wednesday May 30th - I will have my bi-lateral mastecomy as well as have spacers put in for reconstuction.  During Surgury they will biopsy the closest lymph node right in the OR, if it shows cancer they will remove more lymph nodes and possibly install a portacath for chemo. 

If you would like to join us in praying, we are beliving for no cancer anywhere else in the body.  And chemo to not be a necessity.  I am standing on Isaiah 53:5.