Surgery and stuff!

So my surgery was preformed on 5/30/12.  I had to fast which sucked.....and get up early and I am not a morning person lol.

I was very hungry and very sleepy! :)

They ask me my name and dob 20 million times......I almost forgot it I repeated it so many times lol

Before surgery it took 3 nurses to get an IV in me and I thought I was going to puke!  Something about needles rolling around in my skin makes my stomach queasy.  They gave me the good stuff and I was out like a light.  In fact I really don't remember much of the hospital at all, complements of morphine.  But I know my precious husband was there with me most of the time!

 My brother was quite entertained with me!

My kids not so much lol!

They were more entertained with the TV which I don't even remember!

Doctors said surgery was a success and our main prayer was little pain and a supernatural recovery which is exactly what I've had.  I've been uncomfortable, but no major major pain and I was up and around a few days after being home.  My drains came out 7 days after surgery and I am running at almost 100% 2 and a half weeks later.  They did a lymph node biopsy while I was in surgery which came back positive for cancer.  So they decided to take 13 more lymph nodes.  10 out of those came back positive for cancer. 

This puts me at a stage 3C.  Which is a hair away from stage 4 cancer.  And for those of you who do not know there is no stage 5......stage 4 is the end of the road for most people.  My oncologist was shocked that my scans came out clean. (see my last post here)  The power of prayer is amazing.  God is so good.  Even with this hiccup in our lives, our home is filled with peace that surpasses all understanding.  People always ask me how the kids are doing.....it's kind of a funny question to me.  Nothing in my home has changed.....except everyone has to be gentle with mommy's owies.  Other than that my kids lives have not changed.  The word cancer isn't scary to them.  You know why?  Because it's not scary to mommy and daddy.  There is one thing I have learned in all that Kevin and I have been through and it's if the parents are ok, the kids are ok.  Think about that.....We are Children of God.  Is He ever not ok?  Is there ever a point where He is not in control?  Then why is it that so many times we are not ok?  Why do we question His intentions and worry like He doesn't have our backs?  He is my Abba Father.  Why would He not take care of His precious child, just like I take care of mine.

So the plan is VACATION comes next week and then Chemo starts on July 2nd.  We know that I am healed.  Chemo is just a tool in that healing.  I will do chemo once every 3 weeks for 4 and a half months.  There is nothing in the natural that will tell me that I am healed, except for time.  So I hold fast to my confession of God's healing in my body.  Isaiah 53:5 "We are healed by the punishment (propitiation) He suffered, made whole by the blow He received!"  Christ already won this battle for me at the cross.  So really I don't have to fight!  I wear a bracelet that says "fight like a girl" but really the only fight I am fighting is the good fight of faith.  And praise God I am surrounded by awesome men and women of faith!  

The first tears

So tonight after a week of knowing the facts, I shed my first tears.  I was getting ready for bed and all of a sudden it dawned on me that I would never breast feed a baby ever again.  I probably would not be having any more babies. And while I was pretty sure I was done having kids, the fact that this surgery could affect my ability to make that choice truly saddened me.  I loved having a baby in the house.  When Taylor was a baby I would spend hours just sitting and talking to her.  We were in our own little world.  I had that with each baby.  I will forever cherish those moments. I can't imagine going through this at 28 and not having any kids.  But there are young women all over the place that face this everyday.... I hurt for these women.

My babies

Taylor

Kayden

Jacob

Grey's Anatomy and the plan

So we get to the surgeon's office and it's pretty late in the day and the office is fairly empty. My precious husband came with me.  He has been so awesome through this....He's a big baby when it comes to people he loves so he has shed quite a few tears, but as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17) my faith has strengthened his.  We waited for a while in the waiting room.  A woman came out in tears, which made me sad.  But in we went and I again got to put on those hot, open to the front scrub looking things.  Someone should really rethink the design on those, but I guess they're more for purpose than fashion lol.

See what I mean!  Then the nurse put up the films....all I could think was I don't see anything....kinda like when you went for your fisrt sonogram for your first baby and the doctor is like, "See this here, that's your baby"  And you say, "Awwww"  But really you're thinking, "I don't see anything....maybe I'm not qualified for this mother thing" (flashback to the friends episode.....you know which one I am talking about) 

The surgeon came in and cleared it all up for me.  Appearently all the dense white areas are no bueno.  So in true surgeon style she explained things really fast and then said ok get dressed and we can talk and then walked out.  Kevin and I looked at each other kinda confused.  I got dressed and we poked our heads out the door....the nurse smiled and said "Just follow her".   She went over the pathology report and proceeded into explaining why a lumpectomy was not an option here.  I stopped her and proceeded to tell her what my plan was.  I watched my mom go through 2 lumpectomies before they decided to do a mastectomy.  So I had already made the decision that I just wanted to do the bi lateral masterctomy and be done with it.  Fortunantly for me, my surgeon thought that was the best plan as well.  I could just tell by her demeanor and personality that she is really good at what she does.  I couldn't help but think of my favorite TV show.....greys anatomy.  My husband proceeded to remind my favorite surgeons aren't real surgeons...lol.  So we have a plan now!

Friday May 25th - I will go in for a PET scan to make sure that cancer has not metastasised (or spread) to other parts of my body.

Wednesday May 30th - I will have my bi-lateral mastecomy as well as have spacers put in for reconstuction.  During Surgury they will biopsy the closest lymph node right in the OR, if it shows cancer they will remove more lymph nodes and possibly install a portacath for chemo. 

If you would like to join us in praying, we are beliving for no cancer anywhere else in the body.  And chemo to not be a necessity.  I am standing on Isaiah 53:5.

The C Word

"Dr. Van Hal asked me to call and let you know the biopsy came back positive." 
"Ok, you mean for cancer?  Correct?"
"Correct"
The poor woman couldn't even say the word. Although faced with the same task, I'm not sure I could do it either: call a 28 year old mom of 3 and tell her she has breast cancer! 
She seemed surprised by my lack of emotional outburst.  Very calmly I continued to ask her the next steps and what all she needed from me.
Later on in the afternoon the radiologist called as well to give me more information....She was more direct, but again was taken back by my lack of complete hysterics.  All I kept thinking is, "They don't know my Jesus and what He is capable of here." 
And the truth is neither did I until a few months ago.  I've been in the church since I can remember. But the truth is I've never learned all that really happened when Christ died on the cross. All the promises that were made are now mine to posses as long as I choose to take possession of them.
One of those is healing!

No tears were shed on my part!  I know that God's got this!  And I can't wait to see how He chooses to use me here!