Saturday, August 18, 2012

How about some humble pie?

So I'm not going to lie, Round 2 has been hard.  I've been sick and cranky and tired, and in all honestly due to a lack of hormones in my body, I have been down right crazy!  And with those mood swings has come a sense of entitlement.  And when you let the devil "in" just a little it's amazing how fast he goes to work.  The saying, "Give him an inch and he'll take a mile," is a ridiculous understatement when we are referring to the enemy.  He doesn't come to mess with you a little, people; HE COME TO KILL, STEAL, AND DESTROY.  And boy he has been working hard these last three weeks at killing my joy, stealing my strength, and trying to destroy my testimony.  But I am so thankful for my pastor, who is led by the Holy Spirit to give me the TRUTH that is found in The Word of God.  Do you think it was a coincidence that our verse for the month of August is Romans 8:37 

Yeah it's not!  God knew I needed that so He gave it to my shepherd to give to me.  And He keeps giving it to me.....over and over.  He texts it out to me .... He comments on my fb posts.  When I am trying my hardest to tune out the Holy Spirit and throw myself a pitty party, my Shepherd is there watching out for my soul and I couldn't be more grateful for him and his amazing wife. 

#ADD of topic thought for this post--- I just encourage you to make sure that when you are sitting in a church that you are listening for the voice of your shepherd.  We don't need a church, we need a shepherd! Get into John 10:1-10.,   You don't need a church you need a Shepherd aka pastor!  Ok back to what I was talking about now....sorry I "squirreld" as I call it (watch Disney Pixar's movie "Up" and you will get it!)

So I've had my pastor building me up, but while he broke in and my attitude kinda started to change.....I was still holding on a little bit.  Then God said, "Ok time to come down to her to bring her back up to me."  I was contacted by a man that I knew when was little bitty......he was asking for help buying a home.  My aunt had told me that he had been battling cancer for a while, but was doing better.  As I started talking to him and he told me about a mass he had that was removed in July.  The good news is he is now cancer free.  The bad news is that the mass was removed from an area that allows him to not be able to sit down.  And the area where his mass was removed has to remain open to heal, and then they will do skin graphs to close it up.  So he literally has to lay down on his stomach ALL the time.  Yeah so what was I complaining about again?  He went on to tell me that I was very inspiring and I was taken back by his comments.

So Today I came into the infusion room for round 3 ready to rock it!  I was still a little grumpy, but was armed with a list of questions for my PA.  I was ready to stage a sit in in her office until she restored my sanity and my husband was all for it lol.  But of course she couldn't do that.  She answered my questions to the best of her ability and more or less said, "That's just how it is."  We had a little bit of a plan with some changes in medications which made me feel a little better, but I was still a little grumpy.

I sat down hoping to have someone next to me to chat with this time.  (The last 2 times the people next to me were much older and napped the whole time.)  A friendly guy sat down and was told his port wasn't working  so he would have to wait for chemo so he left.  Then a woman sat down next to me.  I'd seen her at least 3 times before in the waiting room and I knew she had breast cancer too since she wore a pink ribbon hat.  I automatically felt drawn to her the first time I saw her, but she always had friends with her.  I wondered if she was divorced since I never saw her husband with her.  But this time she was alone, so of course I seized the opportunity (those who know me, know I never turn down the chance to make a new friend!  Or at least have a conversation!)  Her name was Robbie-Sue and as she told me her story I was truly humbled.  She is stage 4 and has been battling this disease for a while now.  In the midst of her battle, she lost the love of her life, her husband, to liver cancer (could be wrong on that as my memory is horrible right now), but one thing I know......she loved that man with all her heart.  She has no family here, but a great support system in her neighborhood, but it's not the same as the man you love taking care of you.  Not to mention that when she was in the midst of her battle, she had to take care of him.  And still she has will to fight.  I looked over at my husband and he was choking back tears as was I.  I have it so easy compared to others!  One of my favorite sayings is, "It's impossible to be unhappy and grateful at the same time!"  I walked out of there truly blessed by her!  It's amazing how God can use anyone or anything to get our attention as long as we are open to receive it.  And sometimes he has to knock me over the head with it! :)  But thank God that his grace is sufficient! This is a great quote too, and so true no matter what you are facing!

She was a smart woman.  So what is your disposition today?  Are you choosing to be grateful for what you have?  Or unhappy because of what you don't?   It goes back to Choosing Life!  Round 3 or chemo all done and I left with a smile on my face, grateful for what I have!

1 comment:

  1. I wanted to let you know that I am following your blog and thinking/praying about/for you daily. My mom recently was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and I've had many lump (breast cancer) scares that all turn out to be nothing (I'm just a lumpy person with a history of a lot of cancer who gets nervous). Please know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.
    Be strong in your faith and be well my friend,