Friday, November 16, 2012

I did not survive cancer!

So my head is spinning right now.  I know I have not updated my blog in a while and I can't tell you how many blog posts I have started and not finished...... But today is different.  I am sitting in my office at work right now with so much work to do, but I have to share this.

Just to catch everyone up, in case you don't follow me on Facebook, twitter, or instagram, I had my last chemo treatment on October 23, 2012.

It was really emotional for me.  I was both relieved and worried.....more relieved though.  My main worry was more about change......I'm a creature of habit......and yes I will admit, some those are bad habits.  But I hate change.  So of course cancer rocked my world but I quickly got into a comfort of chemo cycles.  The last 4 treatments were really rough.  I was so sick for the first week or two afterwards and would mostly just sleep....after throwing up here and there.  I would have memory lapses and even got to where I was unable to drive (especially after I hit 3 parked cars in my apartment complex.....totaling 2 of them and doing about $10,000 damage to my own car).  I would get these horrible thrush infections in my mouth that were almost unbearable.  It made my mouth raw.  But through all these awful side effects it never changed my determination.  With the odds being against me.....I never once considered that I would not beat this....and while I laying in bed.....I wasn't just laying there thinking, "Lord, why me?  I can't do this!"  It was more a righteous anger......"Cancer you suck and you will not stay in my body in Jesus name!  LEAVE NOW!"

I went to my follow up appointment with my oncologist today and she told me after looking at my scan they did to map my radiation.....she told me that she sees NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE IN MY BODY!  I couldn't believe it...... I didn't expect to hear that today. I thought it would be at least a few more months before we got this news.  But boy was it amazing to hear.  I already knew that the cancer was gone.....the same way I knew the lump I found was cancer, but it's always nice to have a doctor confirm what you know in your heart.  There is no other explanation as to why I am beating the odds other than Jesus heals!  He heals everyday.  Never through this process have I been mad at God.  He has been my Rock.  When I get scared, I trust in Him.  When I'm overcome by my circumstances I trust in Him.  He is my comfort.  He brings me that peace that makes no sense to the world.

So now I am officially a cancer survivor.....but I hate that term.  To survive means to remain alive or in existence   I am not just existing....I am LIVING.  I did not survive cancer.....I thrived through cancer.  I have come out the other end forever changed and there is nothing in me that remains the same.  God has shown me things through this that I'd never even thought about.  And ignited the desire to show these things to others.  I had a pastor speak a word over me a few weeks ago and he told me that THIS IS MY SEASON!  THAT THE THINGS I HAVE PRAYED FOR AND SOWN FOR ARE HERE.  So I am looking up now asking the Father to USE ME!  Let my light shine for You, Jesus, brighter than it ever has!  And let the enemy know that his attacks are pointless..... I will only shine BRIGHTER!  And I WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE LIFE!

So I did not survive cancer.....I demolished cancer, I beat the snot out of cancer, I have overcome cancer, I stood in FAITH through cancer, and by the grace of God, I THRIVED THROUGH CANCER!

My new friend Jeanine Phelps took these pictures for us and they will forever be precious to me.
Bella Jewel Photography  and the girls outfits were made by one of my very best friends Noelle can order them from her here: Glam R Baby.


  1. Praise God! Beautiful pictures! Continued prayer for you and your family :)

  2. God is good! God is great! So happy to hear your excellent news! I've been checking your blog daily since your last posting, praying for you and your family. You made my Thanksgiving!

  3. Congrats on being done chemo Nicole! I too had mixed emotions when I finished. It is a bittersweet time. So nice that you had photos done like this to mark this time in your life. You look stunning! :)

    Praying for your continued strength and courage through this next phase of your thriving journey. xo

  4. Am just amazed at what God has done in your life. I Have a son, who was 14 when he was diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma. He is 21 now. He has been my inspiration for a long time (my other 4 as well). He continues to inspire me every day with the joy the Lord has given him... he has been cleaned from it for 6 years now, (cancer was in his right leg). He has had 4 major operation's to save the leg, due to removing his femur, to three broken femur's, and this past Oct. he had a bad infection in the leg, so he decided at the age of 21, to have the whole leg amputated. He is still smiling with the joy of God in his heart, still inspiring, not just me, but lot's of people. KEEP THE FAITH! God is our Rock!

    1. That's awesome! It's all about choosing life everyday!

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